Haven't Done Shit

Things I Should Be Doing In Order To Have A Productive Summer

1. Study for SATs
2. Study for Math II Subject Test
3. Email my teachers recommendation stuff
4. College visiting
5. Working on college essays

Things I Have Done

1. Calculated my GPA for fun
2. Bought the Harry Potter box set
3. Read Harry Potter
4. Played with my wand
5. Blog about Pottermore

I'm never going to get shit done. I'm going to get to August and realize that the rest of my summer is going to suck. 

Pottermore: Dissappointing or Brilliant?

28 minutes ago, Pottermore.com was launched as an "online Harry Potter experience". I anticipated the owls gathering and JK Rowling's announcement as something incredible, but her video announcement basically said nothing. Apparently, this website is going to be about the readership of Harry Potter interacting in Harry's world online and Rowling will also release some information about the series that she has been keeping to herself all this time. While this is a pretty cool idea, the whole fanfare about the owls gathering and her big announcement was basically the dumbest thing ever, because it was kind of an anticlimatic announcement, wasn't it?

On the other hand, this is JK Rowling we're talking about. She is a certified genius. Her website has more portals and secrets than I could ever start to imagine discovering. So while I'm a little disappointed by the nonanswer to my questions about Pottermore, I have no doubt in my mind that it will probably be mindblowing.

Father's Day

“Anyone can fucking procreate, and most eventually do. I refuse to celebrate a statistical probability” --shitmydadsays

We really shouldn't be celebrating birthdays should we? We really shouldn't celebrate having a certain role in life. Happy Father's Day! It's another reminder that you were too much of an asshole to use a condom that one time! Happy Mother's Day! Thanks for squeezing me out of your vagina! Happy birthday! Congratulations on existing!

I refuse to acknowledge that today is Father's Day, besides the fact that I am outwardly acknowledging its existence by talking about how stupid it is. Wouldn't moms and dads prefer to be thanked for their roles on random days, rather than days that are set forth by stores in order to sell more ties in June and more Martha Stewart merchandise in March? Not only is Father's Day stupid, I just realized that basically all those stupid holidays are pointless. Memorial Day is nothing more than the day pools open and it's time to wear white. Labor Day just makes unemployed people feel bad. Earth Day is the day everyone recycles and feels like a superhero, and then the day afterwards, they buy a Hummer. 

These are the holidays we should have: Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday. Feel free to celebrate accordingly.

Attempts at Cybersexing

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Official messages from Omegle will not be sent with the label 'Stranger:'. Strangers claiming to represent Omegle are lying.

You: heyy

Stranger: hey babe asl ?

You: 16 f usa

You: hbu hottie?

Stranger: im 15 f austalia ;)

You: fuck that i can talk to one of those in real life

You have disconnected.

 

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Official messages from Omegle will not be sent with the label 'Stranger:'. Strangers claiming to represent Omegle are lying.

You: hi

Stranger: hi

Stranger: i am gay

You: i am not

You: well, this presents quite a tickle, doesn't it?

Stranger: you do not feel like putting a penis in your mouth?

You: i mean, i just ate

Stranger: yes

You: if you were really flexible, you could probably suck it yourself and its so much more convenient for me

Stranger: why?

You: because you need to be pretty flexible to reach your own dick

Stranger: truth. hahahaha

Stranger: but you know why most were close to Brazil?

You: most what?

You: dicks? gay people?

Stranger: you ever want to eat milk shake?

You: i like drinking milkshakes. with a straw. at fuddruckers

Stranger: Ever wished you put a penis in your mouth?

You: theres one in my mouth now, why do you think i cant fit yours?

Stranger: if you want, that's great.

Stranger: asl?

You: 107, married, the north pole

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

 

From Hollywood to Fairfax

Certain celebrities give me good vibes. I fall in love with their imagined personas that their agents create for them, but I am defenseless against the onslaught of media and glamour that is part of the celebrity world. Most specifically, I imagine many male celebrities as part of my life. There are forty year old women out there who still think they can still get with Jay Sean, and to be honest, I don't blame them if all they have is a beer-guzzling husband to get home to. So anyways, in no particular order except for my number 1 is really my number 1, the following is a list of Male and Lesbian Celebrities that Should be Part of Linh's Life.

Darren Criss-husband Think of the beautiful babies we would make. They would be like beautiful Wasian-Asian babies with silky hair and beautiful green eyes. Hopefully the girls wouldn't inherit those bushy eyebrows, though.

Simon Baker-father I am so in love with his character on The Mentalist, and he was just too adorable on Ellen. I'm pretty sure Ellen is the only person who can bring out the true personality of any celebrity. Anyways, Simon Baker would be like, the coolest father ever. He's good looking enough that it's impossible for him to make ugly babies, but not too good looking because I don't want my friends hitting on him even once he's a silver fox. 

Ellen-mother Just think about ALL THE FREE STUFF. I would get like, a country for my eighteenth birthday because the king of Madagascar loves Ellen so much.

 

Robert Downey Jr.-uncle Whenever Simon Baker won't let me do something stupid and crazy and destructive, I can just call up Ironman. I have a weakness for quirky people (look at my choice for a husband) and Robert Downey Jr. still wears sneakers with suits to premiers even though he's like 50 million years old.

Matt Lanter-older brother It is not creepy to want a hot older brother. Hot brother=bring his hot friends. It's called benefits.