Father's Day

“Anyone can fucking procreate, and most eventually do. I refuse to celebrate a statistical probability” --shitmydadsays

We really shouldn't be celebrating birthdays should we? We really shouldn't celebrate having a certain role in life. Happy Father's Day! It's another reminder that you were too much of an asshole to use a condom that one time! Happy Mother's Day! Thanks for squeezing me out of your vagina! Happy birthday! Congratulations on existing!

I refuse to acknowledge that today is Father's Day, besides the fact that I am outwardly acknowledging its existence by talking about how stupid it is. Wouldn't moms and dads prefer to be thanked for their roles on random days, rather than days that are set forth by stores in order to sell more ties in June and more Martha Stewart merchandise in March? Not only is Father's Day stupid, I just realized that basically all those stupid holidays are pointless. Memorial Day is nothing more than the day pools open and it's time to wear white. Labor Day just makes unemployed people feel bad. Earth Day is the day everyone recycles and feels like a superhero, and then the day afterwards, they buy a Hummer. 

These are the holidays we should have: Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday. Feel free to celebrate accordingly.