SO FRIGGIN BORED

Bored. That's about all I have to say, to be honest. Today is turning out to be a crapola of a day just like Thursday. Wanna hear about Thursday? I woke up early to go to the dentist. I love my dentist, but I hate going because it's really far away and I feel weird about people peering into my mouth. Then I got home and took a nap, then went to work. Work sucked because even though it stormed (normally a good thing), my manager made us scrub the bathrooms for three hours. AUGHHHHH. I then went to Kumon for the last time EVER!!! Viet school sucked. And then I got home and had a huge argument with my dad. Yay.

Marketing Idea: Iphone SIX

I can't wait for the Iphone Six to come out. Not because it will probably be able to do a billion things including making muffins or having a mind of its own, but I have the most brilliant marketing strategy for it. I got this idea awhile ago, and it just now occurred to my that I should publish it to the world in hopes someone with connections to Apple will hook me up.

Let's think about the word SIX. S_X. In that space, any vowel can fit in and make sense, therefore creating a multitude of brilliant marketing campaigns for this model.

Iphone SAX
This could be the new itunes. The iphone SAX store will have a wider variety of options for iphone users exclusively, such as a karaoke-like feature, highlighting the lyrics as they are sung so you can sing along too! There should also be tracks of unsigned artists, underground musicians, up-and-coming DJs, and special apps to mix your own tunes. The iphone SAX would make music even more personal by adding to the mainstream culture. It will also give iphone users a special feeling of having exclusive access to this new niche. Regular users will be urged to buy the iphone in order to gain access to the iphone SAX.

Iphone SEX
Of course, this isn't exactly audience-friendly, but it's extremely marketable. The entire culture of young adults and teenagers is sex. Hellooo "that's what she said" is used about 6549879x a day. Yes, that's a proven statistic. Anyways, iphone SEX would be all about whatever users want it to mean. Every inappropriate but irresistible app would fall under this category. It would also open up a black market for the iphone, full of racy and risque iphone cases made of silk and lace, and clever contraptions that incorporate condoms in some way.

Iphone SIX
This is the umbrella for all the other aspects of the iphone. Can't you picture commercials of "IPHONE SIX" and then the middle letter changing along with background images associated with each branch? This is a whole different type of commercial we're bringing to the market. Instead of the hand model demonstrating the amazing touchscreen and multitude of apps, the iphone SIX would make commercials like mini movies, flaunting not what the iphone can do for you, but what you can do with the iphone. Watching an iphone SIX commercial should be a cinematic experience.

Iphone SOX
If you think about it, only Americans really wear socks. European men dress in fancy Italian loafers with no dress socks to hide their tanned, hairy ankles, and no one even bothers wearing gym socks. Therefore, we can establish to the American tradition of socks using iphone SOX, cases for the iphone that will charge it using solar energy. And like Mary Poppins, Apple will develop the technology to make iphone SOX virtually unlimited in storage space, so we eliminate the entire purse market in an instant. By dominating the purse market, we have captured every female customer ages 0.1-1000. Not only that, but guys hate huge purses, the iphone SOX will be the hottest gift item for anniversaries, birthdays, and weddings, for years to come.

Iphone SUX
Probably the least marketable out of all aspects, but it is the most audience friendly. People LOVE complaining. If there isn't anything to complain about, the human nature finds something. iphone SUX will be part of an initiative to include consumers in the development of future models. Also, whenever a suggestion that has merit is made, one is awarded a lollipop to suck on. SUX.

Clearly Steve Jobs has never thought of such an amazing idea, so I'm happy to hand this over in exchange for lots of cool Apple gadgets. I should patent this, seriously. This is probably my most brilliant idea ever, which is pretty sad, since it's extremely random. Anyways, to those at Apple, pick up on this. If the iphone SIX comes out without lots of vowels attached, I'm getting a Blackberry.

Pet Peeve 5-Misjudgment of Character

Specifically, I would like to refer to the instances in which characters are judged when one is freaking HALF ASLEEP. This morning, my mother walks into my room to wake me up, and of course I feel like cussing her out for even thinking about doing such a thing on a Saturday morning. I am half asleep and have no idea what I'm saying, yet she takes offense to this and chalks it up as a sign of disrespect.

After all these years of parenting me, she should know some basic guidelines about my character:

1) I'm a complete bitch in the morning. I either need coffee, tea, or Harry Potter to get me awake.
2) Just because she told me to wake up and I made some sort of unidentified groan doesn't mean I heard her. Most of the time I think she's part of the dream I'm having and I have no clue I should be at work in 5 minutes.
3) Don't try talking to me while I'm in bed. I'm not listening and if I answer, it either won't make sense or I don't even realize what I'm saying.

Of course my mother doesn't read my blog. What would she say about my conversations with random people and my obsession over a fictional character? No matter. I'm going back to sleep now anyways.

works of art you can wear: Haute Couture 2010

I love looking at haute couture collections the best because there isn't a lot of distracting styling and accessories that distract from the focal point of the piece. Too many seasonal shows are about the current trends, and there has to be a more accessible point of view. However, I love these three collections I viewed on Tom and Lorenzo: Georges Chakra, Goerges Hobeika, and Valentino. I will post some of my favorite ones here. It's going to be a looongg post because I have nothing else to do at work and there are so many beautiful pieces!

Georges Chakra: very luxurious, Breakfast at Tiffany's silhouettes in jewel tones, classic asymmetrical draping, liquid gold and gems

Georges Hobeika: jewel tones, harder drapery, romantic details, white with rhinestones

Valentino: clean lines, layers of light fabrics, neutrals

THE WORLD'S BEST OMEGLE CONVERSATION

Not about Harry Potter, but still awesome.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

You: im chipper!

Stranger: Chipper looked at his watch and realised he didn't have long

Stranger: His father would return any minute and find him there

You: he dashed out the door

You: but he tripped

You: on his shoelace (how lame)

Stranger: Chipper got up and brushed himself off, behind him he heard his father cry

You: SON GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE NOW

You: chipper looked over his shoulder meekly and...

Stranger: Said, "not again daddy" chipper pulled a knife from his pocket

You: and started peeling the apple in his hand

Stranger: Chipper inserted the peeled apple into his

You: dad's nostril

Stranger: Lmao

You: the apple peel came alive!

You: and ate away all his dad's boogers

You: dad said:

Stranger: Chipper you mother fucking whore, look what you have done"!!!! Chippers dad realised it was too late. The apple peel grew into an almighty beast

You: it let out a terrible roar and said to chipper:

Stranger: Chipper, I love you. Take me to bed

You: chipper gave the monster some chocolate chip cookies and a glass of milk

You: and read where the wild things are

You: soon the monster was fast asleep and at that point chipper went over to his father's mangled corpse

Stranger: Knelt down and sobbed. Chipper said a prayer and returned to monster

You: by monster was gone! in its place was

You: the*

Stranger: An enormous black dildo, chipper knew what he had to do

You: he got the fish sauce and poured it all over the dildo

You: then he go the wok

You: got*

Stranger: Chipper chopped the dildo into tiny pieces and placed them in a wok at medium heat

You: and started to sautee like fuckin bobby flay

You: he took a bite of the dildo

You: and turned into a ken doll with disproportionate plastic pectorals

Stranger: Lol

Stranger: Ken walked out the house completly naked and

You: looked down...good god! he had no penis!

Stranger: Ken knew what he had to do, he got his bike from the garage and took off

You: i was on the search for a penis

You: he biked and biked and finally arrived at

Stranger: A giant barbie factory in the heart of Texas

You: he rushed to the manager of the factory

You: he wanted to ask her where he could get the man hardware he needed but was distracted by her disproportionate plastic boobs

Stranger: Ken leaned over the counter and whispered in her ear

You: did they make you a special bra? cuz those things are uneven

Stranger: Cindy looked at ken with disgust, she pulled a double barrel shot gun from under the counter

You: it was pink

You: she shot it and glitter came out

You: ken said: omg! its ke$ha!

Stranger: Ken tried to wipe the glitter from his eyes but there was not use. The glitter blinded ken and cindy knew it

You: she popped off his plastic head

Stranger: Smiles and popped on s brand new head, but this was the head of...!

You: buzz lightyear

Stranger: Buzz couldn't believe his luck as he stared at cindys boobs, he asked her..

You: want to go back to my spaceship babe?

Stranger: She laughed and said "buzz, it's not real. Get the fuck out of here"

You: he yelled BITCH!

You: then he blasted her with

Stranger: Citric acid, melting her face. Cindy screamed and fell to the ground

You: buzz stole her jimmy choos and blasted off

You: he sold the shoes for 500 dollars and bought himself

Stranger: A oneway ticket to England, he knew what he had to do

You: buy himself a penis

You: bc british penises are beyond superior...woody told him that

Stranger: And woody was never wrong. Buzz arrived at heathrow airport, he knew he needed to buy a new penis, but from where? This was a strange land

You: suddenly it hit him...diagon alley!

Stranger: Yes if course. Diagon ally, the only place left on earth that could perform a penis transplant

You: but with luck it could be achieved by a wand

Stranger: Buzz called for a cab, he couldn't believe who was driving

You: DUMBLEDORE

Stranger: Dumbledore asked buzz if he wanted any

You: butterbeer

You: buzz said yes and poured it on his crotch

You: TADA!

You have disconnected.

harry potter should motivate you to diet

On June 28th, I was not at the Harry Potter theme park. No, I was at work, I believe, bored out of my mind and wishing I was at Honeyduke's or Zonko's. As I daydreamed about Ollivander and perhaps a magical moment when I united with the perfect wand, and finally tasting butterbeer, some lucky souls were stepping through the gates, gazing up at the formidable structure of Hogwarts.

Imagine that you have been a Harry Potter fan since the beginning of time. Imagine that you waited for this day in apprehension and read the fourth book for the tenth time so you could memorize the names of the dragons. Imagine that you specially ordered new shoes that were both comfortable and matched the set of Quidditch robes you would be sure to purchase. The morning of June 28, you wake up with stars practically shooting out of your eyes, and you run to your parents' bedroom to shake them awake as if it's Christmas, only better. June 28 dethrones December 25 as the best day ever. 

Finally, you step into the wonderland of Harry Potter perfection. The first thing you want to do is ride "Harry Potter and the Forbidden Journey". The line seems to move as slowly as Ron's crappy broom, but you are finally at the front of the line. Just as you are about to climb into the Chariot of Eternal Happiness aka the roller coaster, a park official stops you with a tanned, beefy arm. "I'm sorry, young lady, but I'm afraid you will not be able to ride today."

Internally, you laugh. What does he mean? "The safety seat is not big enough to accommodate you. I'm sorry, but you are too fat to ride." 

...

Okay, pause on the hypothetical situation and flowery descriptions. There are people complaining that they didn't get to ride the roller coaster because they were too big, which is understandable. However, I would think of that terrible moment to be a wake up call. If I was too fat to get on the roller coaster of my dreams, I would have an immediate epiphany and start to get my size under control right away. If something as simple as your weight is getting in the way of your Harry Potter dream, shouldn't you take hold of that and change it? It's amazing that the United States is the fattest country in the entire world because we have the widest variety of food selection available. I see more and more overweight and obese men, women, and children every day, and it's unhealthy. Being rejected my flipping HARRY POTTER would motivate anybody to go to the gym.

Source: http://www.aolnews.com/weird-news/article/fat-harry-potter-fans-turned-away-from-forbidden-journey-ride-at-wizarding-world-theme-park/19528135

Summer Bliss

I feel so guilty for not blogging regularly but summertime is starting to become even more hectic than the school year! I promise a quality post sometime in the near future...meaning sometime this week. Meanwhile, I'm going to go chill with my cousins. I just had a weekend at the beach, which didn't really affect my strange tan lines...good I guess.