Unorthodox Christmas 2010

Family vacations are complex events. Most of the time at home, I'm so busy that I'm not always aware of my family. I can always resort to the homework excuse to avoid all conflict, but during a fifteen hour car ride and a two bedroom timeshare that seems to grow smaller and smaller with each argument, family vacations remind you that conflict is unavoidable.

Let me give you a rough idea of an Asian family vacation, particularly my family: We argue. All the time. About the stupidest things. We blew a bunch of money to go to Florida for Christmas, breaking the tradition of throwing a huge Christmas party with tons of presents and booze. We drove South, where people at rest stops would look at me strangely because I guess yellow people are rare in the Deep South. Anyways, we took about 1039841 rest stops and argued about 23048 times.

On Christmas day, we followed an itinerary of weird things to do on Christmas:

1. We went to a Buddhist temple. Temple is nice and all, but it's the most random thing to do on the Holy Day of Christ. I felt like I was trying to piss Jesus off or something, by going to temple and saying, "Oh yeah? The son of God was born today? Well guess what I have TEMPLE TOFU betches".
2. Then we went orange picking and acted really cheap and Asian by trying to stuff as many grapefruits into the $10 bag as possible. There were a bunch of arguments. Stealing was contemplated.
3. We went to the Asian district to eat (of course) and then talked to the two gay waiters. 
4. We got home and more arguing ensued. Us kids got kind of sick of it and decided to check out the Jacuzzi. There were kind of creepy people there.

In short, we put those Jews and their Chinese food to shame. 

Christmas Wish List

True happiness is forever. Most happiness people will be getting this Christmas will be over once those boots become unfashionable six months later, once that new ipod breaks, or once that goldfish dies. True happiness is something unwrappable. It's big enough to put smiles on faces of many different people, but small enough to tuck into the pocket of your heart to carry around every single day.

Christmas is undoubtedly a time for materialism and temporary happiness. All these companies encourage you to donate money towards causes so they will look good in the public eye. For example, in order to donate $10 dollars towards clean water in villages in Uganda, you first have to buy $50 of merchandise. There isn't anything wrong with that, but you have to be aware that these companies are capitalizing on your desire to help other people.

I really don't have a lot of money, but I think spreading happiness around this time of year is more about thinking about people you love. Happiness and love go hand in hand, and that's what the Christmas spirit is really about. This year I am not asking for new boots or giftcards. I'm asking Santa to carry my message of love to people I care about.

Dear Santa,

HIV/AIDS is painful and confusing for children. The pain is not only from the illness that they must fight, but the absence of stability in a lifetime. Please listen to the hopes and dreams of the children I came to know and fall in love with at the Mai Tam Center in Saigon, Vietnam. I think a smile lasting a day will make up for many days of hurt.

Love, Linh

Why I Hate Snow

Prior to this ridiculously cold December, I had to the idea that perhaps I could got to college in New England or New York, because that area kind of evokes some sort of cosmopolitan, intellectual vibe that the snobbish side of me wishes to be a part of. I pictured myself sitting beside the harbor at Boston College, not worrying a bit about the $45,000 tuition, but instead enjoying a leather-bound hardcover with small print, being the alleged intellectual that I am. Anyways, this image was ruined as the great gust of wind that is Winter 2010 hit me in the face as I stepped outside. That was when I realized that there is no fucking way I'm going to torture myself with the winter weather of the intellectual North. Leather-bound books or not, Virginia winter is bad enough. I can't imagine winter at Syracuse...think of all the snow...ew. 

Every time I tell people I hate snow, they look as me as if I just killed Santa or committed some other mortal sin (although I did tell my entire first grade class the truth about Santa). Snow is nice to look at...for about an hour. Then it starts to freeze up and get really slippery and hard, which means I have to wear some ridiculous winter attire just to freeze my ass off chipping away at frozen water. I loved getting out of school early today, but  I would've rather gotten out for a sandstorm or something. It's not even that I hate snow because I have to shovel, but it loses its initial appeal after the first day. People start walking on it, and dogs start pooping on it, and it just looks as though this beautiful white angel was raped and killed viciously. 

Not to mention what snowy weather does to me. The cold air makes my skin really really dry, so I put on lots of lotion that makes my face sting, and I still have weird white flecks on my face of peeling skin. And I hate having to wear socks all the time, because they make my feet chronically smelly. And then I have to go through the trouble of drying my hair before going outside. In Vietnam, I would take a shower and go outside for 5 minutes, and then it would all be gone. It's nature's blow dryer. Winter clothing sucks because you wear all these layers and you still feel cold and for some reason really dirty all the time even though the stupid snow traps you indoors. AND BOOTS. Don't get my started on snow boots. I feel like a freaking astronaut when I'm wearing snow boots.

I could go on. But you get the idea...I don't like snow, so sue me. You know what? PUCK YOU HOMO.

P.S. The image above is deceitful. I was actually having a terrible time...it was during Snowmaggedon of last year aka The Worst Time Of My Life.

Inspirational Images As Of Late

alltheprettybirds.blogspot.com

I want those railroad-stripe pants. I love anything striped and I'm convinced I could pull these off. 

thestylecrusader.org

A ring designed by British-Vietnamese designer Elizabeth Lau. It's so delicate and geometric, which is exactly the type of thing I'm into right now. 

Tom and Lorenzo

Only DARREN CRISS FROM A VERY POTTER MUSICAL NOT GLEE could make a bow tie and sweater look cute. And I love his shoes which he wore with...

...a suit. TLo hated it, but I love it. I also loved that he actually repeated an item of clothing, unlike other consuming celebrities. 

Atlantic City Summer 2010

I am adamantly taking a stand against cold weather. Remember summertime? I miss it. 

5 Things I Find Myself Doing for No Reason...And Then End Up Wasting 15 Minutes

1. I sit/stand on my memory foam pillow until it's flat and then I watch it rise up again. It's kind of like watching bread bake, but on fast forward.
2. I draw designs on my blanket with my finger and then wipe it away with the palm of my hand. It's the type of blanket where if you go against the thread, it gets darker, so I hold this endless fascination with going back and forth across it.
3. A lot of the time I will braid my hair, only to find I have no hair tie, but I'm too lazy to get up. So then I take the braid out and try to focus on what I was doing in the first place, but then I just start braiding the stupid hair again.
4. I stare at my closet for long periods of time for no apparent reason. This is when a lot of my profound thinking occurs, as I ponder the amount of jackets I have versus the amount of camisoles.
5. I am sure everybody does this. I spend a lot of time hanging upside down on my bed for awhile, then getting up to see how dizzy I am. It's a healthy alternative to being a pothead.

Mrs. Kim

Mrs. Kim pulled up in her Toyota Camry and attached that ominous triangular sign onto the top of her car, adjusted the mirrors, and looked at me expectantly.

I looked up at the sign. Student Driver.


Mrs. Kim took my money and I climbed into the left side of the car, and soon we were off, Mrs. Kim and I, putt-putting around the alleyways of Northern Virginia, passing students in various states of insanity as they jogged in the 30 degree weather. Mrs. Kim told me to keep my hands at the 4 and 8, though it sounded more like Ookee Leeeen. Let's keep our haans at dee foh and ahate ookee? Mrs. Kim is Korean.

Mrs. Kim urged me to go longer. It took about five miles to realize that longer meant faster. 

I took that triangle-topped vehicle onto Roberts Road, where I promptly began speeding without even thinking about it. I was going 40 and Mrs. Kim practically had a heart attack. We wish to be going 30 yes?


I like Mrs. Kim. I will be driving in that triangle-topped Toyota again this week. 

Omegle is Amazing

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Official messages from Omegle will not be sent with the label 'Stranger:'. Strangers claiming to represent Omegle are lying.

You: hi

Stranger: hiii :D

Stranger: watsup?

You: guess what? im not a perv

You: isnt that refreshing

Stranger: zomg! me neither!

You: ahhhh awesome

Stranger: yay!

You: we should have a totally unpervy conversation

Stranger: indeed!

Stranger: so, where are you from?

You: sadly, boring old america

You: but for the purposes of this conversation i am british and attend hogwarts

Stranger: ok kewl

Stranger: so which house, my little wizard/witch?

You: gryffindor

You: duh

Stranger: but of course

Stranger: soooooooo.................

Stranger: *awkward silence*

You: hbu

You: house?

Stranger: well

Stranger: you see

Stranger: the sorting hat had a bit of trouble reading me

You: so they created a whole new house just for you?

Stranger: no they just told me to flip a four-sided coin

Stranger: and i ended up in ravenpuff

You: HAHAHAHAHA

You: what an oxymoron

Stranger: :D

You: so your mascot is a badger with wings?

Stranger: no it's just a shaved bird with from stripes painted on

Stranger: the economy affectes hogwarts, too, you see

You: our new headmaster is so boss

Stranger: and they couldn't afford to haire a professional graphics artist to design the mascot

Stranger: and hagrid just drew it

You: well hagrid the headmaster at hogwarts=helluva lotta fun

You: weren't you at the last quidditch game?

Stranger: yeah

Stranger: i was the scorekeeper, remember?

Stranger: but i got kicked out for randomly pressing the buttons

You: probs bc you werent cheering for ravenclaw or hufflepuff...just ravenpuff

Stranger: and they just HAD to use the wedgie spell.....

Stranger: lol

Stranger: that was soooo embarrassing - hoisted out of the pitch by my underwear by an invisible hand

You: well after peter pettigrew died he went to hell and got an invisible hand

You: to replace his robot one, you know

You: now he haunts hogwarts

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Official messages from Omegle will not be sent with the label 'Stranger:'. Strangers claiming to represent Omegle are lying.

You: life's bro

Stranger: bra?

You: more like brah

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Official messages from Omegle will not be sent with the label 'Stranger:'. Strangers claiming to represent Omegle are lying.

Stranger: Do you have boobs?

You: i have like five

You have disconnected.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Official messages from Omegle will not be sent with the label 'Stranger:'. Strangers claiming to represent Omegle are lying.

You: IMPERIO BITCH

Stranger: No.

You: do a flip

Stranger: No.

You: eat that spider

Stranger: Do I HAVE to?

You: you are obviously misinformed about the imperius curse

Stranger: Oh

Stranger: Nope, just pushed it to the back of my mind.

Stranger: Because I quit Harry Potter.

You: all right you crossed the line

Stranger: :O

Stranger: Did I?

Stranger: DID I?!

You: AVADA KEDAVRA

You have disconnected.

The Post-SAT World

College Board has got us all tricked. The SAT is just a test, guys. If you score less than what you wanted, you will not die. Just take it again, or take the ACT or prove you're smart and wonderful through something else. The test itself isn't even that hard, it's just long and boring, especially for an ADD person such as myself. I took it today for the first time, though I've taken several practice tests, and I fidgeted my way through the reading sections, but remained surprisingly still for the most part of the test. Being Asian, I have a tendency to take off my shoes when sitting still, but my feet didn't smell because I wore double-layered socks. 

Now that I got my first SAT over with, I feel so much more accomplished, and I won't have that stupid SAT prep book hanging over my head every night. As of Tuesday, I will begin my very first DRIVING LESSON. So legit. I just need to drive. You have no idea how much I need to drive. Driving will open up this whole new world for me. 

I have this thing in my head where I think about what I could be doing at that moment if I a) had a cell phone or b) could drive. Since the first part isn't going to happen until God knows when, I think about option b quite a lot. I have convinced myself that with my driver's license, I will go to the gym and work out, since I can technically do so for free, and also experience amazing moments of self-discovery when I am alone in my car, blasting music and talking to myself. However, I will probably use my license to get food all the time and go broke, and talk to myself until I go crazy. 

Did you notice the new yellow background? I just thought these cold, winter months needed a little brightening. I had this dumb cold weather.

Goodbye November

The end of November is bittersweet and means the following things:

• The holiday season is ripe. Indulgence is all about and the excitement in the air is enticing. I LOVE CHRISTMAS...even though I'm Buddhist.
• Autumn is gone :( Winter is the only season I hate. If we have another Snowmageddon like last year I'm going to go absolutely insane.
• My motivation for dressing will further decrease because all I ever want to wear is my monkey bathrobe and my yellow sweatpants.
• My hair will look amazing. It actually doesn't look much different, but I like the feeling of cold air on my hair...it makes me feel like I'm in a Pantene commercial.
• I will reject social outings for "innings" in my bed because it's so warm and lovely. Speaking of which...

Continued Review

Naturally, it's much easier to pick out the things I don't like about something than it is to go on and on about how great something is. I stand by the fact that the Harry Potter movie was quite good, but after some further discussion with my fellow Harry Potter geeks, here are some other things about the movie that should've been included:

• Even though the Dursleys don't seem that important, they really are. I think that the makers of the film kind of overlooked that fact because the Dursleys aren't cinematically exciting, but the first scene of the movie should have included at least the faces of Dudley and Aunt Petunia as they leave Harry. That is the last time Harry will ever see his Muggle connections ever again, and it was a bit anti-climatic. 
• Well, they finally introduced Bill. However, it was kind of offhand and awkward, as if it was just something the makers of the films had to check off a list. I expected him to look a bit more gruesome...but then again, there wasn't even a seen of Greyback mawling Bill in the sixth movie.
• I HATE FLEUR. That actress is one of the only casting downfalls of the entire franchise. Almost every single character is perfectly cast, but I was disappointed in Fleur starting from the fourth movie. She's supposed to be gorgeous to the point that it's hard to look at! No offense, but that actress is just...eh. OH AND SHE HAD A BRITISH ACCENT INSTEAD OF A FRENCH ONE WTF.
• They didn't show enough of Dobby in all the movies. I fucking love Dobby.
• There was one tiny detail I'm surprised nobody noticed: the Potters' grave. It literally wouldn't have added any screentime to engrave the rightful phrase on the tombstone The last enemy that shall be destroyed is death because that basically foreshadows the whole Deathly Hallows thing.
• I thought it would've been pretty cool to see Peter Pettigrew strangle himself, but I guess people who didn't read the books wouldn't have understood that. 

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1

The long anticipated film finally arrived a couple weeks ago, and The Huge Potter Geek finally went to see it at 10 AM on Thanksgiving morning. I had read the book in advance, which probably wasn't a good idea since I found myself thinking about the book while watching the movie, but all in all, I thoroughly enjoyed the film and I was happy they didn't fuck it up. If they had, you bet a mob of fans would riot or something. I knew it couldn't be too crappy, since they had no choice but the loyally follow the book and do a decent job to satisfy the fan base. 

Pros: I cry every single time I read the scene in which Dobby dies, and I did during the movie too. Dobby is just so remarkably brave and loving, and the movie properly displayed everything Dobby represents. Also, I absolutely loved the how they told the story of the Deathly Hallows with those animations, because it was so different visually from the rest of the movie, yet fit in very well. The cinematography was spectacular in general. The filming was obviously very expensive and well executed. I also liked how the movie ended. I knew it was going to end at that point when reading the book, and the next movie will open with Harry at Shell Cottage, which is a good transition. 

Cons: The scene that really bothered me was the one with Hermoine and Harry dancing after Ron left. That was totally corny and unnecessary, and they could've better used the time to prolong the first few scenes. Speaking of, I might sound like a huge geek, but I had two major problems with the scene of Harry journeying to the Burrow. Firstly, I cried when Hedwig died...in the book, that is. In the movie, it was barely anything and I thought that was a little strange, since Hedwig was Harry's first connection to the Wizarding world. Secondly, Harry didn't do Expelliarmus, which was what would've given him away to the Death Eaters. This is important because it was an unusual move to be done at the time, and it was becoming known as his signature move. Instead, the movie claimed that the Death Eaters knew it was the real Harry Potter because of Hedwig, which is completely false. Also, I thought they should've included the scene of Kreacher having to watch Remulus Black drinking at same cave as Dumbledore did. I thought that would've made a cool flashback, but I guess they thought the movie was too long as it was. 

Overall rating: 8.5/10

On the Subject of Dying

One day I realized that those who I am very close with are going to die someday. Then I realized that I will die someday. Someday, I will cease to live. However, the funny thing about death is that even though it's the end to a life, death itself can fathom a new life of its own. When Michael Jackson died, his records were being sold like crazy because buying into his music made people prolong his legacy. Someday I am going to die, but guess what? I'm not really going to die. I am going to have a legacy that's so out there and so amazing that Michael Jackson will look pathetic.

First of all, what's with burying people? It's just a waste of space. When someone dies, the body has nothing to do with the soul. The body could be ripped apart or burned up or whatever and it doesn't matter because the body is dead. I believe that the soul goes on a journey after death to heaven or hell. I do not want my stupid body to be taking up space in a cemetery that could be better used for apartments or a park or something. I want to be useful even when I'm dead. Therefore, I present to you my Death Plan. Most people have Life Plans, but technically this a Life After Life Plan, because just because you heart stops beating, doesn't mean you can't still live.

Step One: Die. I'm not quite sure how I want it to happen yet, but I'll be dead so it's not like it matters too much.

Step Two: Donate my body to science. BIANCA FEIERSTEIN IS MY BEST FRIEND, and she totally agrees with me about death and all that. We actually formulated these plans together, strange as it sounds. We talk about everything. Our relationship is literally so close it's quite disgusting. Anyways, the scientists can poke around and use my organs or whatever, because I will literally be living on by doing so. All those people who are in wooden boxes letting their organs go to waste? SELFISH PEOPLE. If anything, donating your body to science will increase you chances of getting into heaven, so think of it that way.

Step Three: Bianca doesn't want a funeral because she finds them depressing. Well, no shit. She wants to donate all the money it would've cost to have the funeral to charity. I kind of want a funeral, so I will donate the same money used to buy a casket to charity, because....

Step Four: ...I won't need a box since I'll be cremated. After they are done with our bodies, Bianca and I will burn up our bodies and use to ashes to...

Step Five: ...plant a tree. Ashes are carbon, which is really good for plants.The tree can then be used to print newspapers or toilet paper or to build houses or make toothpicks. Nevertheless, I would have accomplished my goal of living after death. It's brilliant, if I do say so myself. I'm not afraid of death. I'm just afraid people won't do what I want when I die.

Blogger's Block

I have been absent from the blogging world for an entire ten days. My attempts at coming up with something clever have been unsuccessful. There were days that I found myself gazing at the White Screen of Blogger Death, aka the "New Post" template, blankly trying to come up with something to share to my readers. The past weekend, I read the seventh Harry Potter book again, which meant I was in such a blissful state, I couldn't settle on one thing to blog about. Therefore, I am simply filling up with this White Screen of Blogger Death with senseless ramblings from my topmost thoughts.

Today I thought a lot about the Harry Potter park. Judging from everybody's experiences, I seriously think I might die when I go there. I will enter the gates, be greeted by Hogsmeade and the castle of Hogwarts and realize that HOLY SHIT I'M HERE, and suffer from Harry Potter overload, and die. Seriously, I have this theory that it's going to be the best effing place in the entire world, and I will die of happiness. Harry Potter killed me. What a great way to die.

Sort Myself Out-Harry Potter

I am about to take the one of those Facebook quizzes about which House I am in
...GRYFFINDOR.

Another one
...GRYFFINDOR

Now the really long Harry Potter Sorting Hat Quiz that is 122 questions long
...GRYFFINDOR

The ONE Thing Chicks Can Do That Dudes Can't...Not.

Today in AP Biology, we learned about ectopic pregnancy. Ectopic pregnancy describes the growth of a fetus outside a uterus, such as when the sperm fertilizes the egg outside the fallopian tube and cannot make its way into the fallopian tube to the uterus. Through the wonders of scientific technology, there have been a small percentage of pregnancies that have been able to survive long enough until the baby matures to a point, doctors go in with a C-section, and take the baby out on life support. Well, that sounds wonderful...but then again, THIS could happen: 

Surviving ectopic pregnancies prove that the uterus is not necessary for a pregnancy.

...

...

...

Get it? MEN COULD GET PREGNANT. Like, legit men. They could get preggos just like us chicks, and have protruding bellies not filled with beer, but with BABIES. This is especially beneficial for gay couples who want to conceive, women with ovarian or cervical cancer, or women with T-shaped uteruses (BABY MAMA!). 

I get it, its a miracle. But it's also really weird and I don't know if I can stand seeing celebs with baby bumps in maternity tuxes.

When I Discuss the Weather, It's On a Whole New Level

Today I took a practice SAT with the autumn sunshine shining onto my geometry problems and the wind whistling away as I frantically scratched down an essay (which I got a 6 on btw, BETCH). Anyways, I was engaged in this perfectly amusing activity, but what I really wanted to do was go outside and dance around in the autumn wind like a hippie at a rave, on LSD. Only in a strictly non-narcotic way, and plentiful sunshine instead of neon lights.

Now that I'm writing this, I totally forget my purpose behind all this. I guess I could just talk about 5 random things that are going through my head right now:

1. I wear the weirdest things when I study because I get really cold. The other day I was wearing a Snuggie in the front, a bathrobe in the back (which I tied over the Snuggie to keep it in place), socks under cable-knit knee socks, a cable-knit scarf, and sweatpants. The only reason why I wasn't wearing mittens was because I need to type.
2. Glee: Halloween is just a chance for boys to dress like girls and for girls to dress like whores. So true.
3. Bianca and I are going to go to a rave and observe completely nonintoxicated. We are going to watch everybody get drug happy and then laugh at how they don't realize their wild bash consists of three people in a brightly lit room.
4. Did you know that Ke$ha is actually a genius? She got a full scholarship to college, a 1500 on the 1600 SAT, and some genius IQ. No she's just Taylor Swift on vodka...
5. You know what I would really like right now? A laptop battery that lasts more than ten minutes.

Drawing On Fruit Is My New Favorite Hobby

Guess my grade in math class. Clue: I did this during math class.

One day I'm going to go to Shoppers and write on all the bananas, making a person's day either really amazing or really weird. My dry humor is trying to come up with potential captions:

• In about two days, I'm going to turn from jealous to Asian. Hahahahahaha get it? Green...jealous...yellow...asian. If you didn't get that right away I'm worried about your IQ.
• BITCH you don't peel from this end!
• Open me up and then please inform me of what the hell those little stringy things inside my are. Chromosomes?
• Lo siento, pero no hablo ingles. Estoy de Mexico, un imigrante ilegal.

The Sweatpants Movement

I realized junior year that getting dressed for school is so overrated. What's the point? You wear something nice, a couple people compliment you, your self esteem increases for about two seconds, and then you realize that though that tank top that shows off your boobs does a really great job at showing off your boobs, your boobs are flipping freezing and all you want is a hoodie.

Who do you think looks happier?

Exactly. There I am in my wonderful silk robe because its so comfortable, and there I am again, thinking "If I were wearing a silk robe right now, my life would be better." Girls don't dress for guys anyways, because guys look at your ass or your rack or your lack thereof. Okay, that's a bit of a pessimistic view, but guys don't say, OMG I LOVE HOW YOUR TOP MATCHES YOUR EYES. TULIP HEMS ARE SO IN RIGHT NOW. Girls don't remember the stuff they said they liked half the time anyways. Therefore, my argument stands. Wear sweatpants and stop trying because there is really no point. 

Blahhhhh so much work

It's an endless cycle of school, stay after, homework, sleep. I'm so sick of it. I can't wait for HARRY POTTER WORLD.

Luna Lovegood-Mission Accomplished, Betch

Butterbeer Cork necklace made of a rubber eraser, Scotch tape, and string. I went Dumpster-diving for an actual wine cork but that was unsuccessful, and I didn't want to risk the injury from using and electric drill to drill a hole through the cork.

Such an obvious Harry Potter nerd reference. Every one kept on asking me if I was Cho Chang, even though my name starts with L.

My proudest accomplishment: THE QUIBBLER. Headlines on the Potter-tabloid newspaper:

Justin Bieber Is Actually Lady Gaga's Patronus

The Talking Lion At Pigfarts is From Narnia

Shortage of Butterbeer in Ireland Sparks Immigration

Justin Bieber Hasn't Come Out of the Closet Yet Because He Can't Figure Out the Lock

There is no debating he is a bona-fide, divalike, extremely flamboyant, legitimate homosexual. Check out what I read on Yahoo:

In a bizarre twist of marketing, Bieber fever is spreading–to your nearest nail salon. The 16 year old pop sensation has teamed up with Nicole by OPI and created a line of polish called One Less Lonely Girl (after his hit song). Embrace your inner tween and rock Step 2 the Beat of My Heart – a heart shaped, glitter polish (above). If nail glitter isn’t your style, you can test drive his metallic blue colors, ruby red and shades of rock star purple.

The line will include six polishes, exclusively sold at Walmart, starting in December and in February 2011, you’ll be able to shop an expanded line of Bieber polish at Target and Ulta.

If you can’t wait until December to start wearing your Bieber inspired manicure, try the following bold shades.

As I learned in my God forsaken SAT class, let's take notes on the key points.

• The line is called One Less Lonely Girl. Apparently lonely girls will buy the Bieber polish and be magically be less lonely with the transvestite they manage to attract with the ghastly colors JBoobs...I meant JBiebz...picked out.
• One of the polishes is called Step 2 the Beat of My Heart and is HEART SHAPED, GLITTER POLISH. Actually, maybe Justin Bieber isn't gay. Maybe he's just a six-year-old little girl who buys nontoxic nail polish in case he sucks his thumb by accident. Heart shaped? I don't even think Britney Spears or Mariah Carey even delved into that realm of tackiness.
• He is so unoriginal that he came up with the thoroughly uncreative shades of metallic blue, ruby red, and "rock star purple". What exactly constitutes rock star purple?
• They made the mistake of informing me where the polish would be sold. That means I'm going to take them off the display, hide them behind the condoms, and walk out of the store with thoroughly un-gay created nail polishes. This is technically not law-breaking. 

If You Get Me A Cell Phone Tomorrow, Then I'll Stay At Home For College

On Friday night, I was at home. Because that's what you do on Friday nights when you are academically bogged down: stay at home and argue with you parents.

Me: I went to the rep visit for UVA today.
Parent: Don't you want to stay home for college? Think about all the pros...you could eat good food all the time, your roommate wouldn't bother you, and you could drive your aunt to work when I want to have wine.
Me: First of all, you're about to pick her up from work in a few minutes, and you're drinking wine right now. Second of all, no.
Parent: This is a college town.
Me: Saying this is a college town is like saying a banana is a penis. 
Parent: You can't get bananas at college. You'll get fat.
Me: I would rather be morbidly obese than stay at home for college.
Parent: You could help me with stuff all the time. My friend's kids are in their 20s and they all live at home! He says it's so much fun.
Me: Well then they're a bunch of losers. What do they do for fun, play Parcheesi? I don't care what you say, I'm not going to stay home for college. Period. It's like how you feel about cell phones.
Parent: That's ridiculous.
Me: Tell you what. If you get me a cell phone tomorrow, then I'll stay home for college. I promise.
Parent: No.

Me at age 45, in my parents' basement. Notice my lack of cell phone.

There's Hope for the Permit Holding Non-Driver

Desperation is actually a really great way to argue a point. That, combined with ambition and anecdotes makes for an argument that will break the skin of any Asian Parent. Even mine, which are like the 4G version of Asian Parents. Every grading period results in a whole new version of tyrannical Asian parent toughness and strictness. However, I love my parents very much. I just wish I could jailbreak them so I could access all those apps. Whoaa...extended metaphor betch.

Anyways, I've had my permit for as long as I've been blogging, which is a longgggg time. I have driven a total of three times since April, none of which included fellow drivers. The first time was in the cemetery, as was the second. The third was parking practice in the park in a non-airconditioned car.

Tonight at dinner, I mentioned how my counselor suggested my taking a college class over the summer so I would have some credit and be able to skip taking it in school during the regular year. Of course, this practically gave the Asian Parents orgasms of academic excitement, but then I forlornly and wistfully said, "It's too bad. How will I ever be able to go to school if I don't have car? Sighhh." One of the Asian Parents follows a regiment of response to almost everything I ask or say or suggest.

Step One: I ask using active voice, with plenty of verbs and nouns, using simple sentence structure that gets the point across. In this case, though, I suggested it under the surface. What I really meant was I need a car and to learn how to drive mother freaking please.

Step Two: The Parent laughs and comes up with a ridiculous response. You could always take taxis.


Step Three: I give a withering glare.

Step Four: Parent either explodes at the glare or laughs again. Then they start rationally thinking.

Step Four radically changed this time because I then desperately whined that I would be destined to riding with my parents forever and ever, just like my aunt who lives with us.
What if I never learn how to drive for the rest of my life??
I don't want to be like Bac Thoa.
I guess I'll just stay at home next summer. Imagine you coming home from work just to drive me places. 
Too bad I can't take a COLLEGE CLASS now. 
I'm never getting married. Men don't like women who ride an electric scooter to work.
I'm going to be fat because I can't drive to the gym.
My bike is broken. If you don't get me a car, at least get me a bike with brakes.
How am I supposed to take care of you when you're old if I'm stuck at home all day? Huh? Who is going to change your adult diapers??


I got a semi-vague answer along the lines of getting a car and driving senior year. Reaffirmed hope=incentive to do homework.

Pregnant with Triplets

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Official messages from Omegle will not be sent with the label 'Stranger:'. Strangers claiming to represent Omegle are lying.

Stranger: hi

You: hey

Stranger: hows it goin

You: im pregnant with triplets

Stranger: wow

Stranger: thatrs gunna be painful

You: im naming them parenchyma collenchyma and sclerenchyma

You have disconnected.

Thanks AP BIOLOGY. And Mr. Jeffry.

Legit Quidditch

I joined Quidditch Club at school. I don't think I was ever more blissfully happy in my entire life to be surrounded by fellow Harry Potter-obsessed fanfreaks. I walked into the room with the beautiful sound of the Harry Potter theme song playing over the stereo and I realized, this is what I want to do for the rest of my life. We took a quiz to see what House we get into. I'm really not sure what I got because it was a very ambiguous quiz, and a lot of the answers could've gone either way. I'm definitely not a Hufflepuff, though. Hopefully. Uhh...Blogger is telling me Hufflepuff isn't a word. I'm typing in Gryffindor now...holy crap the stupid red squiggly underline thing is appearing under GRYFFINDOR. Oh no. I think I might have to switch to wordpress or something. I remember the first time I had to type a paper for school (fourth grade), and I thought those red and green underlines were pretty. 

Anyways, Muggle Quidditch is legit. For our particular version of Quidditch, the Snitch will be a little yellow ball attached to someone's ass that the Seeker has to grab. What I really want is human Bludgers. Wouldn't it be awesome if the Beaters just pushed the little Bludgers into people? Ahem...me. 

Did I mention we're getting tee shirts? AND CAPES BETCH.

The Eyelid Saga

Once upon a time, an ugly little Asian girl woke up to a wonderful surprise. She looked in the mirror and found on her left eye, a natural mutation that she pictured might change her whole life. She prodded it with her pinky finger and still, it held strong. Thus began the era of the eyelid.

Some people don't realize how eyelids can magically transform one's life. Eyelids opened up this little girl to a whole new realm of possibility, including looking more awake, mascara that shows, eyeshadow, and eyeliner on the top lid. OMG. It was a time of bliss and longing, because the right eyelid had failed to catch up. The little Asian girl hoped and dreamed for that day, because it would allow her to enter into the world of unparalleled happiness.

Then came the day of sadness. The little girl went into the bathroom to take a piss and admire her eyelid, only to find that it was GONE. As in TOTALLY EFFING DISAPPEARED. A period of depression followed, along with a slight bout of happiness when the eyelid made an appearance for a mere 48 hours. And this era still lives on, as the little Asian girl goes to sleep every night with her fingers crossed, hoping for the magical eyelid that would transform her life forever.

Forget Cho Chang...

Guess what? I'm going to be Luna Lovegood for the Alphabet Soup Homecoming spirit day. SO EXCITED!

I'm not sure how I will be able to pull that look off in the first place, especially with my lack of long blonde hair and big eyes. However, I must find some radish earrings, Ravenclaw tie, and a copy of the Quibbler. Remember that lion's head she wore in the sixth book? Maybe that might be cooler, but then again I might block somebody's view in Honors Precalc.

16 Things for My Sweet 16

Just a little wish list...most of it unattainable. Besides world peace and such, the materialistic teenager in me has come out to play for a bit.

1. Ralph Lauren Wild has been one of my fragrance obsessions since it came out. I really want a signature scent, and I know a certain someone who's getting bored of it :) I'm not below castoffs, you know. I love hand me downs as much as new things, so I'm quite looking forward to probably getting this. I love this scent so much...fruity and fresh.

2. DKNY Delicious is my other fragrance obsession. I spritz this on every time I go to Ulta and wander the perfume aisles. I love the color and packaging of this...very clean lines and classic; just my taste.

3. Boyfriend cardigans are a wardrobe essential. It's really weird, I think the only part of me that grew this summer was my arms, because all the sleeves on my cardigans are way too short. I would love a coral colored one, a striped grey and green one, and/or and light tan one.

4. Sheer polka dot tights are inspired by Jazzabelle's Diary. That girl wears them soooo much but I do love them. I want to start wearing more tights and socks because I hate giving up my skirts and dresses for winter. The trouble is which shoes to wear with them. 

5. Prismacolor markers are really great for layering and sheer coloring. Unfortunately, these are reallyyy expensive :(

6. Vera Bradley wristlets are something every single high school girl owns, and for awhile I couldn't stand them. However, I realized how convenient they are, so I want one. My wallet is much too fat and hard to carry around, and this has a place to clip my keys onto.

7. Canon SLRs are the best out there in my personal opinion. I've always been a Canon junkie and I might treat myself to this toy once I get the money. I think I'll wait for the newest one since the Rebel is old by now.

8. A cell phone. I hate being devoid of a cell phone. My life sucks because of this.

9. A second piercing is something only my mother can get me, but I can't right now because I got a bad ear infection over the summer that hasn't completely healed yet. Hopefully she'll agree to a belated birthday present. Oh, and sorry about the image. Trust me, when I searched "double piercing" I came up with some gross stuff so I figured a picture of an ear would be enough.

10. Cute studs, specifically owls, are becoming an obsession. I rarely wear anything but my oversize pearl studs anymore, so I want another signature earring.

11. A chunky gold metal watch is something my dad hasn't bought yet, so it might have to wait until my next birthday. I take all the watches my dad gets bored of, and I really want him to get bored of this one. I love men's watches so much!

12. Lip stains are really fun. I only have one right now, Covergirl Lipstain in Everbloom Kiss and it's much fun to use. I'm having a little trouble deciding on another shade, so anybody with a good eye and 10 dollars can get me this.

13. ipod touch. I've run out of memory on my ipod nano, so I really want another one to adequately store my extensive music collection. The new one is too cool!

14. Brown leather riding boots look great with jeans, tights, skirts, and dresses. I've never had boots before...they usually don't fit me right or are too expensive. I'm so sad the ones I found at Marshall's were this ugly orange hue, because otherwise they were perfect.

15. A silver ring is something I want to wear everyday because it's so pretty and classic. I've never been much of a ring person either because my fingers are too small. However, I'm still searching for the perfect basic silver ring with enough twist to be unusual.

16. Eyelids. I grew an eyelid last week. But now it's gone. So I want it back.

Memory foam is where it's at BRAH

Yesterday I got a full six hours of sleep, which is a lot for a weekday. I laid my head down on my new MEMORY FOAM pillow and as I was thinking about how freaking cool it was that my head was making a dent in  the pillow that the pillow would REMEMBER, I fell asleep. I had a good dream, too. I don't remember specifically but it had something to do with lifeguarding and waffles. Perhaps those were two separate dreams. Anyways, MEMORY FOAM is the one thing every academic-achieving student should invest in. Forget boring prep guides and Barron's flash cards. MEMORY FOAM, guys.

Actually, those Barron's flash cards are actually sort of amazing.

Letter to Junior Year

Dear Junior Year,
As the summer months flew by and I frequented Amazon.com to waste a ridiculous amount of money acquiring prep guides and summer reading books  that I ignored until about the last few weeks of summer, I thought about how my easily influenced soul was somehow pushed into enrolling into 4 AP classes. Every single reaction I got was something along the lines of WTF LINH, but I blatantly ignored it with a shrug. I tell myself that I am a self motivated, upwardly driven, ambitious, studious, and a multitasking phenom. Miraculously, Junior Year has transformed me into this superhuman with an undying passion for xylem and phloem, Powhatans and Puritans. 

Remember Sophomore Year? My, my...that was the year I perfected the art of not caring whatsoever and somehow scraping by okay with a few nervous breakdowns. My homework schedule would begin after I ate, napped, checked Facebook 5 times in 15 minutes, and then staring at my textbook until I mustered the incentive to start cracking. There were complex systems of dividing work and cramming sessions in Sophomore Year, turning me into One Of Those Students That Don't Give A Crap But They Really Should So They Do At the Very Last Minute And Get An Ulcer. 

Ever since the start of the school year, I have transformed into a robot human being that takes notes and outlines without really thinking anymore and relish six hours of sleep. I reward myself with fifteen minute power naps, when I dream about going back to sleep.

So, Junior Year. You suck. Like a lot. It's the second week of school, and I'm already turning into the Hunchback of Notre Dame from sitting in front of my laptop typing outlines for every single freaking class. Thanks for giving me physical deformities. Did I mention the mental illnesses I have apparently developed? Today I stood at my window making alien spaceship noises for a good 15 minutes because I wanted to blast my Honors Precalculus textbook with a laser. PWEH PWEH!

Sincerely, 
One Of Those Students That Considers Onomatopoeias Entertainment 

BITCH I Ain't Cho Chang

I was recently exposed to A VERY POTTER MUSICAL. 

OH. MY. GOD. 

I can't believe that I ever missed this epic fan parody. It made me so happy. I can't even express it in words. This was the first summer that I didn't reread all the Harry Potter books and A Very Potter Musical totally renewed my passion for THE GREATEST THING ON EARTH. 

Reflection in List Form

Since I'm very strange and enjoy making lists, I've decided to make a list basically expressing the little minutiae I so love to dwell on pertaining to this trip. There were a few more days in Sai Gon but it's not really interesting to the general public. We just ate a lot.

THINGS I MISS
-The nom noms: OMG we ate so much there it was insane. I had food babies several times a day there.
-The cheapness: One of the reasons why we ate so much was because it was so inexpensive. A fancy dinner with drinks didn't come close to ten dollars per person.
-The people: Everyone I met in Vietnam and Cambodia was so nice and was much more open to me than back at home. I got back home and I have my parents yelling at me again...up close this time. It happened plenty of times over the phone and email, but there was 8000 miles separating us.
-Naptime: I still haven't adjusted to not having naps after lunch. Some days I ate breakfast, went somewhere, ate lunch, napped, ate dinner, and went to bed. It was awesome.

THINGS I'M GLAD I HAVE BACK AT HOME
-The bathroom: My god, when I got home, I just sat in my bathroom and admired at the nice and dry floors and how the shower was actually separate. Ahhh creature comforts.
-Raw vegetables: I ate salad when I got back. A big salad. One of the reasons I DIDN'T GET DIARRHEA AT ALL was because I tried not to eat tơo many raw vegetables in Vietnam which was TORTURE but it paid off I guess.
-Constant air conditioning: Self explanatory.
-Fashion: The clothes in Vietnam suck. I think I'm going to dedicate an entire blog post to Vietnamese fashion and how tacky it is. It disappoints me.
-Hair ties: I hate all those freaking scrunchies.

Peace. Naptime now.

Day 15, 16, and 17: Dental Clinic, Things You Probably Don't Care About, and Coffee Shops

Day 15 was sleep and food and pooping. So you don't care about that.

On Day 16 we went to a fancy-shmancy dental clinic to give basic dental care to some kids from the Mai Tam Center. Guess what? I definitely don't want to be a dentist. I worked as an assistant for one deep cleaning, and I was done. I can handle blood pretty well, but the patient's gums were so infected that brushing them was making them bleed like crazy, which I had to suck up with the fun little suction tubes. I got to play with the kids from the center for the rest of the afternoon. It was so hard to believe that they all had HIV or AIDS because they were such vibrant and hyper creatures. I couldn't even fathom that one of the smartest boys there was dying. I also greatly admire Cha Toai for his patience and presence over these kids. Essentially, he is the parent figure in their lives, since they have all been abandoned. He was funny and strict and patient with them all at the same time. That experience along with the trip to Cambodia solidified my feeling that the health profession is right for me.

You probably won't care about Day 17 either. We took a billion taxis around Sai Gon and visited some people. I had wanted to buy some clothes here because it's really cheap here, but it's SO DAMN FOB-BY. Afterwards we went to Bien Hoa to visit my cousin's coffee shop, which is apparantly a happenin spot for up and coming police officers.

Day 13 and 14: Aching Shoulders, Itching Cream, and Temples

The second day of the mission trip to Cambodia was much different than the first because Phuong and I got to go with a smaller group to an even more poor floating village to hand out vitamins and provide other basic medical care. We also brought 130 bags of rice with us to distribute amongst the families there. We loaded the rice into the pack of a pickup truck, and then six of us squeezed in and napped on the bags of rice as we rode along an extremely bumpy road. Then we unloaded about a ton of rice onto another boat once we got to our destination, thus the aching shoulders.

Since there were no doctors along on the excursion, we distributed basic medications, such as vitamins and Tylenol. My job was to distribute vitamins to the little kids. It was amazing to see everybody swarm around me, reaching for the vitamins as if it were gold. I was handing them out so fast, we ran out pretty soon. After that, I started distributing itching cream, and people were reaching for it before I even told them what it was. People there believed that medicine was like magic, since it's so scarce. The best part of the day was definitely distributing the rice. I assumed it was one of the village matriarchs that took charge. Man, this woman was strong! Her voice carried over the voices of hundreds of talking people, as she scolded them like a mother hen for not appreciating our medical team enough. The looks on some of their faces as they received their bags of rice was one of pure happiness that replaces a verbal thank you in my book.

Thus ended the mission trip with Hope for Tomorrow in Cambodia. I was so sad going back to the hotel, because I had enjoyed it so much. I can't wait to go again, and now I'm really serious about getting into the medical field because I realized that it can touch so many people. This is something I want to do for the rest of my life.

After such hard work, our mission group took a day off to sightsee, visiting three ancient temples. It was a lot of walking and sweating, but it was definitely worth it because it breathtaking. Traveling like this and seeing so much of the world in such a short amount of time makes me want to see more. Some of the ruins we visited were massive and falling apart, yet they still had a sacred atmosphere to the place.

I am now in Sai Gon, after a very long sleep filled bus trip, and I can't wait to see the Mai Tam Center. Sorry my posts are long and wordy with no visual aids, but we don't have wireless right now. Therefore, you all are going to have to wait until I get back home and post a long photo essay, and a Picasa link as well. Thank you so much for reading and hope you all are safe and sound at home.

Day 11 and 12: Excessive Sleep, I'm on a Boat, Brown Water, Pills, Blood Splattered Scrubs, and Dr Fish

The vacation part of my vacation has officially ended and today I worked on the Hope for Tomorrow Medical and Dental Mission in Siem Reap for the first time. We drove for about 12 hours to Cambodia from Saigon and I basically slept the whole time, and conked out again once we got to our very nice hotel room.

Siem Reap is a floating village on one of the world's biggest lakes. The water there reminds me of those Hershey commercials where everything is brown; it's actually because of the silt. Contrary to popular belief, the color is not due to the pooping and drinking and bathing all in the same body of water. There are a lot of Vietnamese refugees that lack paperwork to go back to Vietnam or seek asylum in the US, Canada, etc. The Hope for Tomorrow group set up medical and dental centers today in one of the boats, which is usually a Catholic school.

At the beginning of the day, I worked at the registration desk, probably because I can read and write Vietnamese pretty well. That proved useless, however, when everybody there has a really strange accent that I couldn't understand half the time. Most of the patients didn't know their last names and took awhile to recall their ages. I'm pretty sure I wrote down some funky stuff onto the paperwork we give the doctors and dentists because I couldn't understand them, but hopefully they figured it out.

After awhile, registration got a little stressful and I decided to help in the pharmacy instead. Our patients were in need of lots of medication and vitamins, so working in the pharmacy to fill prescriptions and count pills was like playing Diner Dash in real life. By the end of the day, I smelt like the oil they put in the multivitamins.

It was a day of hard work but never have I felt so accomplished in my entire life. Seeing people in such poverty but still with so much happiness gave me an amazing adrenaline rush that made up for my physical exhaustion. I'm not sure how to put it into words, but today was beautiful. Distributing pills and making so many people happy was enough payment to last me a lifetime. The children coming in for treatment really made me smile because they were excited by the littlest things, like a toothbrush or a stick of gum. I was working on the medical boat, but they called the dental part the "torture chamber". Let's just say there were a lot of extractions, so Co Thi got a little blood on her scrubs.

I'm so grateful I got to experience such a breathtakingly alive and joyous atmosphere with the Hope group, and I can't wait to work again tomorrow. Our group relaxed a bit afterwards by going into the city and having dinner and getting a foot massage. There were fish eating dead skin cells off our feet. It was freaking scary the first couple of minutes but after awhile it feels really good. The shopping here is good. If I didn't get so much money stolen I would have bought A LOT. RAY BANS FOR TWO DOLLARS. Ahhhhhh I'm going through shopping withdrawal.

The next post will probably be a massive photo dump. Thanks for reading :)