I have decided to drop out of high school to...

work at the WIZARDING WORLD OF HARRY POTTER.

I never even realized that there are people who actually get to spend their entire day literally surrounded by Harry Potter amazingness and get paid for it. The park opens on June 18 but I have to wait until December to go. But...if my master plan works out I will be working as the girl who plays Cho by September. Instead of outlining Chapter 30, I have come up with the following plan of escape:

Now-end of school year: I will be continuing with this pointless and extremely stressful education and get my desired GPA, a 5 on the AP World History Exam, and spend my spare time rereading and heavily annotating all the Harry Potter books. I need to be smart, because after all, Cho is a Ravenclaw and everybody knows Ravenclaws are the brainiacs.

June: Screw jobs, internships, volunteer opportunities. I will not be going to the beach or the pool because everybody at Hogwarts is deathly pale due to their endless hours of making Polyjuice Potion. I will also practice writing with a quill.

July: Cho is the Seeker of the Ravenclaw Quidditch team, so I'm going to need to practice my vision skills. Since I am too broke for even a Nimbus 2000, I'm going to have to settle for a broomstick and a penny painted green that I can hide in the grass and try to find with my sharp eyes.

August: Time to head for Florida. I will write a kick-ass essay about how great Harry Potter is (which it is) and get the job as Cho.

September-end of time: I will spend my days living my dream. Unless that letter from Hogwarts really does come someday...I'm still hoping.

Pet Peeve 2- Adjusting Your Junk

By junk, you all know what I mean. We all agree that it's gross, but guys do it all the time. I will be sitting in class and then I realize a fraction of the boys absentmindedly scratching, rearranging, or doing some other gross thing with their man hardware. You don't see girls adjusting their boobs all the time, so what's so inconvenient male organs that they have to be constantly adjusted? If, it's itchy, at least scratch it discreetly. I mean, it's like scratching your butt. You would never do that walking down the hall, but guys find it okay to scratch their area in the middle of conversations and as they walk. It's not proof that you have a large...anything. It's proof that you need to see a doctor because you obviously have some sort of infection down there.

If you're wondering why you aren't getting laid, it's because girls aren't attracted to itchy guys. So stop it.

FASHIONFASHIONFASHON

The last week has been an absolute fashion mindfuck...like literally. I have been so FREAKING HAPPY about all the wonderful clothing I have been able to experience these past few weeks. From the red carpet to Seth Aaron on Project Runway, my inner fashion nerd has been hyperventilating:

IRON MAN 2 WORLD PREMIERE RED CARPET:

Robert Downey Jr. is a god. He is literally incapable of making any type of faux paus whatsoever, and he is the most effing fabulous. You might say his glasses make him look like a Bono groupie. You are wrong. He looks cool. You might say his sneakers make him look like a middle aged man pretending to be a teenager. You are out of your mind. You are just jealous that only the awesome Robert Downey Jr. can pull off this look. 

Scarlett Johansson is absolute perfection here. First of all, this Armani Prive is gorgeous. It's pretty reminiscent of what Kate Hudson wore during awards season, but I personally think Scarlett does a better job of pulling off the look. I love how this dress isn't exactly white; more of a greyish color. Even though it's structured, it still manages to look windswept and effortless due to the impeccable construction and Scarlett's hair, makeup, and minimal accessories.

For someone who used to be married to that jerkface Tom Brady, Michelle Monaghan looks really awesome. Not only this Derek Lam bustier dress really cool, but her shoes are to die for. I want her shoes. I wouldn't even wear them, but I would put them on display and stare at them. 

Personally, I'm not a huge fan of Gwyneth Paltrow because she looks a bit too...commercial on the red carpet for my taste. However, I love this simple suit she wore. I haven't been seeing too many suits on the red carpet that actually flatter women, but she does a good job of keeping it simple. Hate the shoes though. I don't even know what to call them.

OTHER RED CARPET:

FINALLY Amanda Seyfried wears something besides pales, pastels, and Cinderella-like confections. This Viktor & Rolf blazer is super chic and her legs look amazing in those shorts. Wouldn't you agree she look great in black? Despite her Oscar red carpet flop and numerous others, I think the girl might have some hope.

WTF. OMG. *Insert other profanities due to lack of proper vocabulary* Vera Wang's organza focused collection already had me at hello, but Halle Berry makes everything look 2493203488x better. I stopped breathing when I saw this dress. I freaked out. A lot.

"BRAKE!!"

My mother finally decided to let me start driving after having my permit for three weeks now. We went to the cemetery and she made me drive at 2 mph for about 2 hours until I stopped giving her mini-heart attacks every time I had to make a sharp turn. Driving was an experience all right...I was surprised at how little I had to press the gas pedal and how hard it is to keep the car off the grass. Maybe that means I'm a bad driver, but I'm still learning! I'm pretty sure I annoyed that one girl putting flowers on a grave because I passed her about 2383900 times while driving around those winding roads. I did try to go in reverse one time. That was in short, not a good idea.

Springtime Mating

Contrary to popular belief, Valentine's Day is not the most depressing time of the year for singles. It's springtime. 

Like every other animal on the planet, humans feel the need to find a mate during the springtime and rub it in the faces of those who are alone and sad. I look around the hallway, and all I see is people holding hands and making out. You're happy, I get it. But stop showing it off. You are not a museum exhibit. 

I hate when single girls hold hands with each other. It's freaking confusing. I'm thinking in my head: Wait, is she gay? Nope all those people aren't. They're just so depressed about the fact that they don't have boyfriends that they pretend they're totally cool with it by holding hands with other girls. It's not cute, it's dumb. 

Pet Peeve 1-"Finding yourself"

The other day I read a very frustrating article about a senior who had fallen on some rough times during her high school career and decided to defer college for a year and go backpacking in Europe in order to "find herself".

That's the most amazingly stupid and annoying bullshit I have ever heard of.

First of all, there's no such thing as finding yourself. That cliche is a complete gimmick made up by Oprah and psychologists in conjunction with travel agencies in order to pump out money from tortured souls who feel they need to tan topless on a beach in Greece to understand the meaning of life. So many people have this fear of losing direction in their lives that they feel the urge to do something out of the ordinary to fulfill themselves. Newsflash: We're all humans, not Moses. Our lives are not about parting the Red Sea and hearing the voice of God. If that happens to occur at some point during your life, whoopee for you, but living your life without such an event is perfectly fine. 

I think as Americans, we don't realize how incredibly lucky we are. We have access to the most amazing life compared to the rest of the world. Since we don't embrace this, we start looking for more, convincing our spoiled-brat-selves that what we have is not enough. I understand that there are some people out there depressed, lonely, and hopeless, but you have not lost yourself. Even if you think that, you are not a poor lost soul for God's sake. You are lucky to be alive and it's selfish to think that you need to go to Tuscany for some soul searching.

My advice for those people packing up for that backpacking trip to Europe? Look in the mirror. If you don't like what you see, take care of a real poor soul. And appreciate life and embrace it fully, because that's what living is all about. 

Some of my favorite blogs and sites

I'm pretty much obsessed with blogs because there are so many great ones out there! My favorite ones are beauty blogs because they aren't just rants about random things which is pretty much what this blog is about. (Probably the reason why no one reads this thing.) Anyways, a list of some of my favorite blogs and sites, and don't expect me to post the URL because I'm too lazy and I should start doing my study guide for history. So just google it or if you don't care, don't.

MichellePhan
xteeener
ProjectRungay
whatclaudiawore
faabric
shine

Sorry for the short post but I'm ubermultitasking right now. More later hopefully!

Harry Potter on Omegle FUN

Omegle is about the best thing ever. You talk to strangers with absolutely no consequences at all! Of course, I annoy all the horny people and talk about Harry Potter instead :) Posted below are some of the best results:

Stranger: Hey

You: hullo i am a wizard and i am a gryffindor

Stranger: ron weasly?

You: howd u guess?

You: arent i an absolutely fabulous keeper?

Stranger: well after youd get slipped the lucky potion shit, but really its a placebo affect, then your decent

Stranger: i know my potter

You: the power of suggestion my friend...its that hermoine chick that gets me all distracted

Stranger: quite the babe

You: i recently went on my first visit to the states but i set off the airport metal detector with my bludger

Stranger: nice dued

*****

Stranger: heey cutie =)

You: i play quidditch wanna join?

Stranger: what's that?

You: AVADA KEDAVRA

*****

Stranger: its the eye of the tiger

You: EXPELLIARMUS

Stranger: its the thrill of the fight

Stranger: HARRY POTTER YUM!!!!!!

Stranger: shit, now i dont have a wand with which do do my magicy stuff

You: awesome i win draco

Stranger: DAMNIT!

Stranger: i hate you, harry.

Stranger: but its a good thing im just a coward and wont kil dumbledor

You: omg draco look luna lovegood is coming

Stranger: i forget what to do next!

You: PETRIFICUS TOTALUS

You: revenge for the train jerkface

Stranger: BITCH

You: yea thats right

You: oh, and u suck at quidditch

*****

Stranger: hhkjl

You: gosh what is that mysterious ticking noise?

Stranger: Susan Boyle.

You: snape snape severus snape

Stranger: EXPECTO PATRONUM

You: DUMBLEDORE

Stranger: I FREAKING LOVE HARRY POTTER

You: ron ron ron WEASLEY

You: hermoine

Stranger: Jeez louise.

*****

Scary Muscle Woman AKA Madonna and Her Black Baby

Celebrities and their black babies...I don't buy that they're feeling charitable, especially Madonna. I don't know about you, but I've never been a fan. Her muscles are freaking disgusting and she has that boyfriend that's young enough to be her son. Not to mention her terrible singing, fashion taste, and weirdness on The Marriage Ref...Anyways, back to the black baby. Her daughter was adopted from Malawi, and I think this picture of Madonna's biological daughter and her black little sister is hilarious. Look at that poor girl: Bring me to Brangelina.

DMV Debacle

I finally got my permit!!! (Meaning everybody else stay off the roads.) While at the DMV I met some very nice people. They are surprisingly cheery over there. Anyways, if you're at Springfield Mall for some reason, pop in and talk to the hilarious Indian guy and the cool black dude. Everybody was looking at my transcript and laughing at my photo. I probably found this incredibly entertaining because our school has like 5 black people (including the guy with pencils in his hair) and no Indian people. Too bad...we're missing out.

New blog!

So I started a blog over the summer awhile ago, but it was a fail because there is absolutely nothing to blog about in the middle of summer besides movies and what color I painted my toenails. This new form of procrastination should be much more productive than Facebook and Tetris. The name refers to Harry Potter, of course, and whoever did not know that should go poop in a bowl. Or die. I am perfectly content to dedicate this entire blog to the discussion, dissection, and overall obsessing about Harry Potter and also talking about how much TWILIGHT SUCKS, but I don't think this blog would get much popularity from my peers. However, talking about Harry Potter should be expected about once a week. Anyways, I'm supposed to be writing a paper on A Tale of Two Cities now, so goodbye for now!