When I Discuss the Weather, It's On a Whole New Level

Today I took a practice SAT with the autumn sunshine shining onto my geometry problems and the wind whistling away as I frantically scratched down an essay (which I got a 6 on btw, BETCH). Anyways, I was engaged in this perfectly amusing activity, but what I really wanted to do was go outside and dance around in the autumn wind like a hippie at a rave, on LSD. Only in a strictly non-narcotic way, and plentiful sunshine instead of neon lights.

Now that I'm writing this, I totally forget my purpose behind all this. I guess I could just talk about 5 random things that are going through my head right now:

1. I wear the weirdest things when I study because I get really cold. The other day I was wearing a Snuggie in the front, a bathrobe in the back (which I tied over the Snuggie to keep it in place), socks under cable-knit knee socks, a cable-knit scarf, and sweatpants. The only reason why I wasn't wearing mittens was because I need to type.
2. Glee: Halloween is just a chance for boys to dress like girls and for girls to dress like whores. So true.
3. Bianca and I are going to go to a rave and observe completely nonintoxicated. We are going to watch everybody get drug happy and then laugh at how they don't realize their wild bash consists of three people in a brightly lit room.
4. Did you know that Ke$ha is actually a genius? She got a full scholarship to college, a 1500 on the 1600 SAT, and some genius IQ. No she's just Taylor Swift on vodka...
5. You know what I would really like right now? A laptop battery that lasts more than ten minutes.

Drawing On Fruit Is My New Favorite Hobby

Guess my grade in math class. Clue: I did this during math class.

One day I'm going to go to Shoppers and write on all the bananas, making a person's day either really amazing or really weird. My dry humor is trying to come up with potential captions:

• In about two days, I'm going to turn from jealous to Asian. Hahahahahaha get it? Green...jealous...yellow...asian. If you didn't get that right away I'm worried about your IQ.
• BITCH you don't peel from this end!
• Open me up and then please inform me of what the hell those little stringy things inside my are. Chromosomes?
• Lo siento, pero no hablo ingles. Estoy de Mexico, un imigrante ilegal.

The Sweatpants Movement

I realized junior year that getting dressed for school is so overrated. What's the point? You wear something nice, a couple people compliment you, your self esteem increases for about two seconds, and then you realize that though that tank top that shows off your boobs does a really great job at showing off your boobs, your boobs are flipping freezing and all you want is a hoodie.

Who do you think looks happier?

Exactly. There I am in my wonderful silk robe because its so comfortable, and there I am again, thinking "If I were wearing a silk robe right now, my life would be better." Girls don't dress for guys anyways, because guys look at your ass or your rack or your lack thereof. Okay, that's a bit of a pessimistic view, but guys don't say, OMG I LOVE HOW YOUR TOP MATCHES YOUR EYES. TULIP HEMS ARE SO IN RIGHT NOW. Girls don't remember the stuff they said they liked half the time anyways. Therefore, my argument stands. Wear sweatpants and stop trying because there is really no point. 

Blahhhhh so much work

It's an endless cycle of school, stay after, homework, sleep. I'm so sick of it. I can't wait for HARRY POTTER WORLD.

Luna Lovegood-Mission Accomplished, Betch

Butterbeer Cork necklace made of a rubber eraser, Scotch tape, and string. I went Dumpster-diving for an actual wine cork but that was unsuccessful, and I didn't want to risk the injury from using and electric drill to drill a hole through the cork.

Such an obvious Harry Potter nerd reference. Every one kept on asking me if I was Cho Chang, even though my name starts with L.

My proudest accomplishment: THE QUIBBLER. Headlines on the Potter-tabloid newspaper:

Justin Bieber Is Actually Lady Gaga's Patronus

The Talking Lion At Pigfarts is From Narnia

Shortage of Butterbeer in Ireland Sparks Immigration

Justin Bieber Hasn't Come Out of the Closet Yet Because He Can't Figure Out the Lock

There is no debating he is a bona-fide, divalike, extremely flamboyant, legitimate homosexual. Check out what I read on Yahoo:

In a bizarre twist of marketing, Bieber fever is spreading–to your nearest nail salon. The 16 year old pop sensation has teamed up with Nicole by OPI and created a line of polish called One Less Lonely Girl (after his hit song). Embrace your inner tween and rock Step 2 the Beat of My Heart – a heart shaped, glitter polish (above). If nail glitter isn’t your style, you can test drive his metallic blue colors, ruby red and shades of rock star purple.

The line will include six polishes, exclusively sold at Walmart, starting in December and in February 2011, you’ll be able to shop an expanded line of Bieber polish at Target and Ulta.

If you can’t wait until December to start wearing your Bieber inspired manicure, try the following bold shades.

As I learned in my God forsaken SAT class, let's take notes on the key points.

• The line is called One Less Lonely Girl. Apparently lonely girls will buy the Bieber polish and be magically be less lonely with the transvestite they manage to attract with the ghastly colors JBoobs...I meant JBiebz...picked out.
• One of the polishes is called Step 2 the Beat of My Heart and is HEART SHAPED, GLITTER POLISH. Actually, maybe Justin Bieber isn't gay. Maybe he's just a six-year-old little girl who buys nontoxic nail polish in case he sucks his thumb by accident. Heart shaped? I don't even think Britney Spears or Mariah Carey even delved into that realm of tackiness.
• He is so unoriginal that he came up with the thoroughly uncreative shades of metallic blue, ruby red, and "rock star purple". What exactly constitutes rock star purple?
• They made the mistake of informing me where the polish would be sold. That means I'm going to take them off the display, hide them behind the condoms, and walk out of the store with thoroughly un-gay created nail polishes. This is technically not law-breaking. 

If You Get Me A Cell Phone Tomorrow, Then I'll Stay At Home For College

On Friday night, I was at home. Because that's what you do on Friday nights when you are academically bogged down: stay at home and argue with you parents.

Me: I went to the rep visit for UVA today.
Parent: Don't you want to stay home for college? Think about all the pros...you could eat good food all the time, your roommate wouldn't bother you, and you could drive your aunt to work when I want to have wine.
Me: First of all, you're about to pick her up from work in a few minutes, and you're drinking wine right now. Second of all, no.
Parent: This is a college town.
Me: Saying this is a college town is like saying a banana is a penis. 
Parent: You can't get bananas at college. You'll get fat.
Me: I would rather be morbidly obese than stay at home for college.
Parent: You could help me with stuff all the time. My friend's kids are in their 20s and they all live at home! He says it's so much fun.
Me: Well then they're a bunch of losers. What do they do for fun, play Parcheesi? I don't care what you say, I'm not going to stay home for college. Period. It's like how you feel about cell phones.
Parent: That's ridiculous.
Me: Tell you what. If you get me a cell phone tomorrow, then I'll stay home for college. I promise.
Parent: No.

Me at age 45, in my parents' basement. Notice my lack of cell phone.

There's Hope for the Permit Holding Non-Driver

Desperation is actually a really great way to argue a point. That, combined with ambition and anecdotes makes for an argument that will break the skin of any Asian Parent. Even mine, which are like the 4G version of Asian Parents. Every grading period results in a whole new version of tyrannical Asian parent toughness and strictness. However, I love my parents very much. I just wish I could jailbreak them so I could access all those apps. Whoaa...extended metaphor betch.

Anyways, I've had my permit for as long as I've been blogging, which is a longgggg time. I have driven a total of three times since April, none of which included fellow drivers. The first time was in the cemetery, as was the second. The third was parking practice in the park in a non-airconditioned car.

Tonight at dinner, I mentioned how my counselor suggested my taking a college class over the summer so I would have some credit and be able to skip taking it in school during the regular year. Of course, this practically gave the Asian Parents orgasms of academic excitement, but then I forlornly and wistfully said, "It's too bad. How will I ever be able to go to school if I don't have car? Sighhh." One of the Asian Parents follows a regiment of response to almost everything I ask or say or suggest.

Step One: I ask using active voice, with plenty of verbs and nouns, using simple sentence structure that gets the point across. In this case, though, I suggested it under the surface. What I really meant was I need a car and to learn how to drive mother freaking please.

Step Two: The Parent laughs and comes up with a ridiculous response. You could always take taxis.


Step Three: I give a withering glare.

Step Four: Parent either explodes at the glare or laughs again. Then they start rationally thinking.

Step Four radically changed this time because I then desperately whined that I would be destined to riding with my parents forever and ever, just like my aunt who lives with us.
What if I never learn how to drive for the rest of my life??
I don't want to be like Bac Thoa.
I guess I'll just stay at home next summer. Imagine you coming home from work just to drive me places. 
Too bad I can't take a COLLEGE CLASS now. 
I'm never getting married. Men don't like women who ride an electric scooter to work.
I'm going to be fat because I can't drive to the gym.
My bike is broken. If you don't get me a car, at least get me a bike with brakes.
How am I supposed to take care of you when you're old if I'm stuck at home all day? Huh? Who is going to change your adult diapers??


I got a semi-vague answer along the lines of getting a car and driving senior year. Reaffirmed hope=incentive to do homework.

Pregnant with Triplets

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Official messages from Omegle will not be sent with the label 'Stranger:'. Strangers claiming to represent Omegle are lying.

Stranger: hi

You: hey

Stranger: hows it goin

You: im pregnant with triplets

Stranger: wow

Stranger: thatrs gunna be painful

You: im naming them parenchyma collenchyma and sclerenchyma

You have disconnected.

Thanks AP BIOLOGY. And Mr. Jeffry.