Justin Bieber Hasn't Come Out of the Closet Yet Because He Can't Figure Out the Lock

There is no debating he is a bona-fide, divalike, extremely flamboyant, legitimate homosexual. Check out what I read on Yahoo:

In a bizarre twist of marketing, Bieber fever is spreading–to your nearest nail salon. The 16 year old pop sensation has teamed up with Nicole by OPI and created a line of polish called One Less Lonely Girl (after his hit song). Embrace your inner tween and rock Step 2 the Beat of My Heart – a heart shaped, glitter polish (above). If nail glitter isn’t your style, you can test drive his metallic blue colors, ruby red and shades of rock star purple.

The line will include six polishes, exclusively sold at Walmart, starting in December and in February 2011, you’ll be able to shop an expanded line of Bieber polish at Target and Ulta.

If you can’t wait until December to start wearing your Bieber inspired manicure, try the following bold shades.

As I learned in my God forsaken SAT class, let's take notes on the key points.

• The line is called One Less Lonely Girl. Apparently lonely girls will buy the Bieber polish and be magically be less lonely with the transvestite they manage to attract with the ghastly colors JBoobs...I meant JBiebz...picked out.
• One of the polishes is called Step 2 the Beat of My Heart and is HEART SHAPED, GLITTER POLISH. Actually, maybe Justin Bieber isn't gay. Maybe he's just a six-year-old little girl who buys nontoxic nail polish in case he sucks his thumb by accident. Heart shaped? I don't even think Britney Spears or Mariah Carey even delved into that realm of tackiness.
• He is so unoriginal that he came up with the thoroughly uncreative shades of metallic blue, ruby red, and "rock star purple". What exactly constitutes rock star purple?
• They made the mistake of informing me where the polish would be sold. That means I'm going to take them off the display, hide them behind the condoms, and walk out of the store with thoroughly un-gay created nail polishes. This is technically not law-breaking.