Why I Hate Snow

Prior to this ridiculously cold December, I had to the idea that perhaps I could got to college in New England or New York, because that area kind of evokes some sort of cosmopolitan, intellectual vibe that the snobbish side of me wishes to be a part of. I pictured myself sitting beside the harbor at Boston College, not worrying a bit about the $45,000 tuition, but instead enjoying a leather-bound hardcover with small print, being the alleged intellectual that I am. Anyways, this image was ruined as the great gust of wind that is Winter 2010 hit me in the face as I stepped outside. That was when I realized that there is no fucking way I'm going to torture myself with the winter weather of the intellectual North. Leather-bound books or not, Virginia winter is bad enough. I can't imagine winter at Syracuse...think of all the snow...ew. 

Every time I tell people I hate snow, they look as me as if I just killed Santa or committed some other mortal sin (although I did tell my entire first grade class the truth about Santa). Snow is nice to look at...for about an hour. Then it starts to freeze up and get really slippery and hard, which means I have to wear some ridiculous winter attire just to freeze my ass off chipping away at frozen water. I loved getting out of school early today, but  I would've rather gotten out for a sandstorm or something. It's not even that I hate snow because I have to shovel, but it loses its initial appeal after the first day. People start walking on it, and dogs start pooping on it, and it just looks as though this beautiful white angel was raped and killed viciously. 

Not to mention what snowy weather does to me. The cold air makes my skin really really dry, so I put on lots of lotion that makes my face sting, and I still have weird white flecks on my face of peeling skin. And I hate having to wear socks all the time, because they make my feet chronically smelly. And then I have to go through the trouble of drying my hair before going outside. In Vietnam, I would take a shower and go outside for 5 minutes, and then it would all be gone. It's nature's blow dryer. Winter clothing sucks because you wear all these layers and you still feel cold and for some reason really dirty all the time even though the stupid snow traps you indoors. AND BOOTS. Don't get my started on snow boots. I feel like a freaking astronaut when I'm wearing snow boots.

I could go on. But you get the idea...I don't like snow, so sue me. You know what? PUCK YOU HOMO.

P.S. The image above is deceitful. I was actually having a terrible time...it was during Snowmaggedon of last year aka The Worst Time Of My Life.